Week 28, post 2: testament
A friend of a client came up to me: “I don’t know what you’re doing with Brenda, but keep it up. She’s doing so much better!”
A middle-age client (in tears): “I’ve never had anyone just be here for me. I’ve always had to be there for everyone else. This is so good. I am so grateful.”
A client: “You’re not like a therapist. You’re like a friend.”
W: “How would a therapist be different with you?”
C: “A therapist would be more formal and more technical. Clinical. With you I can just talk. You’re so easy to talk to. And so relaxed.”
Exchanges over the course of a session with a 5 year-old boy:
B: When you left last time, I cried.
W: Were you sad?
B: Yes. I was sad.
W: Being with you means a lot to me, too.
B: Can I be your friend?
(a thunderstorm is building, with some lightning and thunder):
B: (looking up, and looking frightened)
W: Does that thunder make you scared?
B: Is there going to be a hurricane?
W: No. there won’t be any water in the yard, and you won’t have to leave.
B: (Looking toward thunder) I think that is my momma crying.
W: Oh. Do you miss her? Do you think of her up there?
B: Yeh. (pause) I don’t like God.
W: You mean because she went to be with God?
B: Yeh. (pause)
W: I was thinking that maybe God was sad, too, just like you. And maybe God wanted her to stay here with you. But she was too sick, and her illness made her have to go.
(we hug)
B: Are you going to come back?
W: Yes, I’m going to come back. I hope you want me to.
B: Next week?
W: No. It will be two weeks. I’ll be away next week.
B: That’s a long time…
With regard to the one client's comments regarding how I appear relaxed, and I am easy to talk to: This is something I've heard before but I've never understood about myself. Yes, I very much want to welcome people forth, and let them be themselves. But I've never tried to hide my tension, nor hide that a lot of the time I'm working hard -- not to accept someone, but to understand and to formulate/ask the right question(s)(good therapy is 95% asking the right questions, 5%(at most)telling the client wise things). Therapy is hard work; it is often intense. I do not perceive myself as easygoing. A blind spot.
Peace, Warren.
posted by warren @ 7:46 PM
2 Comments:
Hey Warren,
This is your Reality Check/Encouragement post:
Don't you see, the simple fact that you are a pastoral counselor, not the usual "what label can we find" or "you need to get better self-esteem" or "medication will take care of this", etc. type of "therapist" is part of what you have going for you.
Also, your treatment of a person as having a soul/spirit, not merely a bundle of connected brainwaves that may be chemically out of whack.
And, your listening, listening, listening with your heart.
I can see a lot of Henri Nouwen in you, as I'm reading his book (Lifesigns).
Also, I don't know how to word this properly, but, you have a lot to teach us all about "friend". I don't think our society really truly understands what "friend" means (as in the Biblical "friend that is closer than a brother"....Jesus saying "I call you friends"). And, this lack of understanding the listening, loving, caring, nurturing, patient, playful, mutual role of friendship harms all of our relationships. (Not that every relationship need be all friend....as a mother I had to also had to set limits....but....well, there can be limits (boundaries) in friendships also.......ANYway:
IF persons learned to be friends with each other, you, my friend, would be out of your REAL job.....but don't worry.....that won't happen any time soon.......
(all of this is in my Loud Mouth Opinion)
Big Ole Friendly Hugz,
Ritagail
p.s. last week some of the readings were about Elijah complaining to God that he was the "only one" of the prophets left, and God had to let him know he Wasn't..........didn't mean to imply you are the only one of your kind......just that you seem to be few and far between, but there ARE others........so aim to keep Balance.
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